Get me out of this head!

I am sitting in a restaurant in Berlin. People are coming and going. The patio is quite pleasant and peaceful. A mild half cloudy half sunny day with a nice breeze. The only annoying thing is the presence of these bees. They are everywhere in this town and yet no honey in their sack.

Across from my table an old man and a man in his mid 40s are sitting together. They seem to be father and son. May be they have a Sunday ritual of getting together in a restaurant. When the son was approached by the waitress he declined the menu and ordered for both of them in German. A minute later two nice Konig Ludwig Blonde with a good inch of foam sitting on top was served on their table. They exchanged words here and there, otherwise their gaze traveled to far places. May be the father lives in an old tiny sad flat by himself. May be his daughter-in-law doesn't like him, that's why they have to meet in a restaurant.

I don't know why all of a sudden my mother's face appeared in front of my eyes. I am walking around shouting and moving my hands in the air as if I am performing a dramatic part in a play, sobbing: "This is the nature of fucking life...to be born alone and to die alone. In between to feel lonely."

"But you have us, your family, me. Why such strong emotions and sorrow, why feel lonely?" She says. She in the verge of bursting into tears, she walks away and hides in the bedroom. She always hid her tears from me. And then she disappears.

There it was. My nightmare in a day light with wide open eyes. How did I get here?