Remark the mark for future

This dream "goes bang bang in my head" and turns into a nightmare, night and day, day and night. I think to myself how come I feel dizzy all the time and not just the moment I get off the bed and land on the ground. On the same lousy shaky ground that moves no matter what I do or how I feel. I should know better it's not the ground that is being shaky, that, it's all in my head, in my head. The dreams and the hope somehow, have turned into disappointment and gloominess.

I light a cigarette. I cup my chin and stare at the burning cigarette close-up and gently blow into the crimson tobacco to watch it burn faster. I refuse to shake the ash and I suffer under the stress of the ash falling on the rug any moment; I still refuse and refuse and refuse till it burns to the nonburnable point and it gets heavy, unbearably heavy, the ash. It falls on the rug and leaves a mark on its brightness. That's when I regret it all and think to myself: I could have seen this coming and I could have prevented it.