Locked in/Locked out
"She is considering moving to another town, a place far away from here," a mutual friend said. I felt some sort of weakness in my legs, for few seconds my legs began shaking but I managed to hide my anxiety. At the time I liked Lilac a lot, but no one knew about it, not even that mutual friend. Despite that weakness and those shaking legs, I didn't realize what world I was stepping into. I had no understanding of long distance relationships, not in the slightest, besides, emotionally she was standing in a distant spot from me because she had no interest in me and so, I hid my feelings completely. But, as unimaginable things happen all the time, we became involved, more than I expected; we didn't get the chance to imagine things, every thing happened so fast: we were inseparable, period. And it was already too late to undo things, she had no choice but to leave the town, I had no choice but to stay, we couldn't NOT love each other.
After she left, I played it very strong, didn't show any irrational emotions, I even quit smoking the day she left to show my surrounding world that I have everything under control, that I am going to hang in there for as long as it takes, that I have a hold on reality. But when for the first time I felt that heart squeezing agony of missing her, the feeling that eats you from inside and leaves a big hole in your sole, I broke apart into a zillion pieces.
Are long distance relationships possible?
Long distance relationships are like lines, with two ending points, each person stands at one end and they point at each other all the time, as if they are trying to make or claim a path. A long distance relationship is like being locked; one person is locked out, the other is locked in; they are closely in touch, but they literally can't touch each other, something is blocking them off. They both lean their heads on the door, they hear each other so closely and so intimately, but the final touch is not possible, it's not there, it's being missed, just like my Lilac; I miss her. Yeah the truth is: I miss her so.