Monday, March 22, 2004

Does love work in a binary logic?

If it's only true or false, or if it takes only a yes or no, it's a binary logic. Like job status, you are either employed or not. Now, does that logic work for love? Can you say you are either in love or not? Can you say your love has drifted apart or not? Are there absolute sings about these things or not? Even in surest times, you tell yourself or your lover, hey it's not working, yet in the darkest and most lost corner of your mind you'd question yourself: "Did I do all that I should, that I could have done?" And that question stays there for ever, even after you give it a second or N-th chance, specially for people like myself who suffer from lack of self confidence or per say lack of decisiveness. It may sound doom, but it's like gambling, when you lose all the money, you walk out, yet keep repeating to yourself, what if I'd played one more hand, I might have hit the jackpot or the big prize.

Tuesday, March 16, 2004

Is it O.V.E.R.?

I've been missing most of the episodes of final season of Sex and the City, why? Well, good question, but let's leave that for another post.
Last Friday night I was watching the very episode that Carry got invited to live in Paris by her b/f -- for those of you who may say hey buddy you are way behind the schedule; up here in Canada, Sex & the City is aired a season behind the American broadcasting sked. -- This episode was so bizarre or it seemed bizarre to me. Characters kept saying "New York is O.V.E.R.", even Carry's narrative voice indicated this sad news; Carry BradShaw, a City paper columnist, a girl from the Big Apple, an absolute New Yorker? It sounded kinda sad; ain't it sad?

But when I think through it and recall the days of my last trip to New York last year, the City was totally different from my previous trips to NYC. The tension in Manhattan on new year's eve and the whole tight security thing in the island; man! Everybody was there to celebrate the new year but they were hiding the fear and the fever under the brim of their hats. What happened to the best city in the world? Is New York over because of aftermaths of 9/11 or it is over because this whole thing was only a party and the party is now over?

Wednesday, March 10, 2004

Someone was telling me about how his father has cheated on his mother at the age of 63, that he's been having affair with an older woman. He was saying that whenever I saw these things in movies or on TV never got a serious understaning of the situation, but now that I am in it, it feels so bad, you feel that you hate your father with all your guts. He wasn't able to understand how could someone at that age sacrifice his familly and fourty years old marriage for an older woman. And I came up with a why not.

What is age anyway? Isn't it just a number, not a sense. I am 34 and I feel so fresh, and even younger than my second half of twenties, and it's all because of situations and the things I've given or received in last 12 months as oppose to what I've of lost in last 8 or 9 years.

Sometimes at the very first moment I wake up in the morning, I feel, I live in absolute abstraction, I don't have any sense of place or time, that's why I can't really say how it feels when you are 34. For me it feels way better than my 24.